+Z’ev

Today’s assigned readings:

1 Samuel 13:19-14:15, Acts 9:1-9, Luke 23:26-31

Then Jonathan said, “Now we will cross over to those men and will show ourselves to them. If they say to us, “Wait until we come to you,’ then we will stand still in our place, and we will not go up to them. But if they say, “Come up to us,’ then we will go up; for the Lord has given them into our hand. That will be the sign for us.”
1 Samuel 14:8-10

There are a number of places in this story (through to Solomon’s dream of Wisdom) where God seems to be a wish-granting genii or a Magic 8 Ball™. This particular passage reminds me of a prayer only a three year old can make: “God, if I’m going to get a train set for Christmas let me dream about flowers tonight.” My childhood was filled with such prayers, usually at bedtime - give me a sign!

Of course Jonathan has something extra going for him: the sign he asks for is cockiness on the part of his enemies. If they invite him up, it’s not a sign that the Lord has given them over to him, rather it’s a sign that they are so sure they can whoop some Israeli butt, that they will invite them into the midst of their campground. Cocky warriors make mistakes. Jonathan knows this. The story isn’t so much about a sign from God as it is about how stupid the Philistines are.

And is that, maybe a sign?

I think of all the times I’ve asked for a specific sign from God: just a clear yes or no, and never got such. Do others make such requests to God?

Has he ever replied? More importantly, when we see a “Sign” how do we know the meaning?

When I was trying to figure out what I was “supposed to do”, viz. leaving the Episcopal Church for Orthodoxy, the event that prompted the demand for a sign was so odd: my pastor had acquired a new vestment that was covered in bells. He wore this jingly thing one Sunday and walked around the church, drawing eyes to him where ever he was. He was neither preaching nor presiding that Sunday and the event was crazy-making. I took it as a sign that there was so much silliness in this place that I needed to leave.

5 years later, thinking back, I see it as a sign that I still needed to work on my anger (which my vocations committee was telling me even then). Maybe I acted to hastily?

Good thing Jonathan set out the yes and no signs before hand. Since I didn’t dream of flowers, what did it mean?

The reading from Acts, however, offers a different view. God swoops in and zaps Paul with the Truth so hard that it takes. Jesus said “They have all the prophets and Moses already. If they will not listen to them, they will not listen to one come back from the dead.” But it only took a vision from beyond death to turn things around for Paul…

But we are not St Paul to so trust our visions and discernment, and I’m reminded how, in the Orthodox Church, if an icon is weeping or bleeding or something, the first thing they do is an exorcism.

So where am I to go? Signs are not going to happen and visions can not be trusted.

The priest of the (Orthodox) mission parish in North Carolina used to tell us there were no such things as specific signs: God’s will was not should we buy this house or rent that church space. God has but one will for us: he “desires everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:4) Everything that happens is either to that end - and so in accord with the Will of God - or not. That was an earthshaking revelation to me: God may not care what car I drive, per se, or even what Church I go to. Am I being saved - ie, being made whole?

The Gospel gives us one other picture - of Romans busting up a family on the street and grabbing the father, pressing him into service. He assents. He doesn’t demand his rights (indeed, he had none) nor refuse the chance to do some good for this stranger on the street. Simon literally takes up a cross to follow Jesus. For most of us it’s not that easy: My own “cross” has been read so many different ways (by me, by others). Is my cross to “be gay”? Is my cross to “live chastely”. Is my cross to “get healed”? Is my cross to put up with so much BS aimed at my Sexual Orientation?

Again, looking at Simon - one’s cross is just what happens when one is living life, I think. Crosses happen. We don’t get to pick them. For a childish moment (on my part) perhaps my cross was a vestment covered in bells. I didn’t bear it well. So for a while my cross was elsewhere. And now, maybe elsewhere again - Buffalo? Who knows. As Gollum says, “We makes our choices and we takes our chances.” Yes, and we prays for God’s mercy, my precious.

Shabbat Shalom!