+Z’ev

Today’s assigned readings:

2 Samuel 2:1-11, Acts 15:36-16:5, Mark 6:14-29

David inquired of the Lord, “Shall I go up into any of the cities of Judah?” The Lord said to him, “Go up.” David said, “To which shall I go up?” He said, “To Hebron.”
2 Samual 2:1

I’ve written about this before - about God having a direct say in the choices we make. Does God have a plan for our life? Not just an abstract idea of things but a specific A-to-Z idea of what’s right from Day 1 to Death? The god in Samuel’s world seems to function that way. The god in Much of the Hebrew scriptures seems to function that way as does the one in the Greek scriptures that come from the Jewish or the Christian Tradition. That god tells people even the tiniest of things: Don’t go to Macedonia. Ok, now go to Macedonia. Don’t pick that guy, pick this one.

That god doesn’t seem to be too active any more - at least not in the same way. I don’t mean that to project doubt backwards. But some part of me wonders if the common folks of Israel got to hear voices saying “go up”, or if the average Christian in the Roman empire heard a divine directive to “sail to Macedonia!” Most of us are rather normal humans, right? I’ve no suspicion that I’m the Chosen King of some country or the Prophet that’s intended to bring some news someplace (although Someone may have other plans).

And while in my (very rare) humility I realise I’m not King David or St Paul, there are times when I would just like even just a tiny bit of direction.

Most of my evangelical and charismatic friends seem to hear their from deity all the time. He’s got opinion on where to shop, who to hang out with, when to go to the movies, where to work, who one should marry, where one should vacation… and he seems to express himself rather clearly and even verbosely.

Clearly I’m doing something wrong.

Praying for guidance about where to find a job in New York, I end up living in San Francisco.

In San Francisco I enter a discernment process to find out if I’m called to the Ordained Ministry. Instead of God speaking to everyone and saying “yes” or “no” I leave the Episcopal Church and become Orthodox.

Once Orthdoox I discover no lack of complexity and discontinuity - what Anglicans would call “Local Option”. This provokes a fit of prayer and I end up falling in love and having coffee with my old Episcopal pastor and taking communion in an Anglo-Catholic parish.

If God has a plan for my life I’m clearly being subjected to the most round-about possibility out there.

Or am I making it up as I go along? Is my failure to follow God’s plan my own? Or have I, in reality, failed? As my birthday approaches (less than a month away, now) I’ve entered into that odd, slightly depressive evaluation phase that always precedes the celebration. Lately it’s not just been focused on the last 365 days, but the last 40+ years. What the !@#$% did I do wrong?

Sigh…

I want to be clear: I don’t think this is just a Christian problem. When I was pagan, I was a very skilled user of Tarot Cards. People offered me money even though I didn’t charge for it. It was a profound system of meditation and introspection, but even when people came to me for consultation, the cards never said “Go have a baby” or “get married to that man”. In fact, when the client asked such a question (in her secret heart, meditating in silence) the cards always failed to make any sense at all. I’d finally say, “You asked a yes or no question, didn’t you? Let’s try this again…” Even the pagan gods didn’t speak in that way.

What am I missing?

The online hagiography of today’s saint, William Wilberforce, reports that “He considered his options, including the clergy, and was persuaded by Christian friends that his calling was to serve God through politics.” It would seem that the god Wilberforce followed didn’t interrupt his sleep with sudden voices either…

Well there’s hope for the rest of us, then!